i finished work
closed excel
no casualties
no miracles
one of those days
too calm to feel proud
too productive to complain

the perfect nightmare for a perfectionist

then i sat down
pulled out the paints

paint by numbers

like i was six and my mom was saying
“red goes here, green goes there”

i don’t improvise

there’s a small critic living behind my eyes
who frowns at accidental clouds of paint
so i stick to the numbers
at least the sky turns out okay

it’s kind of like a ‘brave patient’ sticker after an adult day
feels good to do something “right”
even if it’s just leaf number 17

i don’t know what to write about
maybe this
that you don’t need to know
that it’s enough to keep poking at it
until the picture starts to look like something

i look at what i’ve painted so far
not bad
not great
but at least it’s something

and maybe i lied a little
saying i have nothing to write
just nothing short enough to be tolerated
and there’s already too much
of everything online anyway

what i want to say would need hours
and all i’ve got is this one line
and always hope you’ll read between it