I haven’t posted in two weeks.

Lately, I’ve been feeling all sorts of new emotions, and I’m still trying to make sense of them, and find the right words to describe them. It’s not a familiar place, or at least not feelings that are easy to put into words just yet. Perhaps once I’ve settled into them and found the right vocabulary, I’ll be able to write about it.

I wrote this poem today.

I’ve been trying to cut back on caffeine, and on my way back from the shop, I found myself feeling a bit upset about not starting my day with a cup of coffee.

I know it sounds a bit silly, and there are plenty of real reasons in the world to get upset about – and those are on my list too, but honestly, it’s something I really look forward to in the mornings! So I thought to myself, “Maybe I just need to write about it, like a love poem or letter.”

So yes, my muse today was the absence of coffee, which made me realise that coffee itself isn’t the issue.

The issue is how I use it.

I want to slow down, appreciate it, and truly enjoy it, rather than rely on it and abuse it.

Easier to wake,
to greet the morning with you.
Easier to sleep,
knowing you’d be there
when I opened my eyes.

In the hard moments,
when I needed escape,
you were my refuge,
my pause.
But maybe that’s the problem.

I never thank you for being there.
I take and take,
giving nothing back.
I tell myself I shouldn’t need you,
that you’re not good for me,
that I should leave you behind.

You let me lean on you too much,
and I let you take too much space.
This isn’t good for either of us.

But maybe we can change that.
Maybe we can find balance,
where you’re the quiet joy of the morning,
not the escape.

I’ll savor you,
be grateful for you,
and share my mornings with you

not in a hurry,
but like with a friend.